Goin' to the (Secular) Chapel and We're Gonna get Married

Apr 11, 2025

So, I got formally married last weekend, and despite everything that was stressing me out prior to the event, it was lovely and poignant and unforgettable. My parents did a phenomenal job, and I felt so beautiful, especially in my “official” wedding dress.

The wedding was a 2-day event, April 4-5, with the 4th being an Indian welcome party with a buffet (nothing religious of course) and the 5th was a secular western ceremony with a plated dinner and reception. Here’s a list of insights slash pictures from the events because I’m not sure how else to organize this.

First of all, sorry to be maudlin but for most of my life, I couldn’t imagine being alive long enough to get married and deep down, I didn’t think I deserved to be, but now, I’m married to someone I love who loves me back, and we have a beautiful little cat together and we’re so happy. It feels like a triumph of sorts.
So, I’d personally die of embarrassment if I’d been rage posting at a guy for being obsessed with another woman for months and he ended up marrying her, but Twitter user babkabaddie has more self-esteem than I do I guess lol.
I feel like some of my extended family were kind of offended or put-off/confused at just how much my parents and especially I are assimilated into American culture. Most Indian-Americans, even those who were born raised in the United States, get married in Indian attire for their “main” ceremony, and I got married in a white dress, and wore Indian attire (a saree and a lehenga) for our welcome party the day before. But the thing is, I didn’t really grow up around Indian people, we didn’t have an Indian circle of sorts because neither of my parents are religious and most Indian cultural practices are centered around religion, so it doesn’t make logical sense to make the formal aspect of my wedding Indian. Our wedding ceremony was secular western, officiated by a judge, and we signed our marriage contract immediately afterwards with my parents as our witnesses. I thought it was perfect but I guess some people disagreed.
So, when I was 14, I learned that Bill Clinton’s advisors blamed his 1980 gubernatorial loss on Hillary not taking his last name and being “feminine” enough (instead of the very obvious answer that Ronald Reagan’s landslide victory on the presidential level had down ballot coattails), and it honestly radicalized me. From that moment on, I knew that I would keep my last name after marriage, no matter how much I loved my husband (and I really do love my husband for the record), and nothing could or has changed my mind in the last 16 years.
My vows were great, simple and poignant and only mention death twice, which is actually really impressive for me.
Here is how we’re signing our thank-you cards!
Lastly, here are some of my favorite pictures from the event!